I really never have made New Year’s resolutions. Really, what’s the point of saying you’re doing to do something and when you know that in a month or so, your resolve will peter out and you are left just as you were before.
Instead, I usually set some “goals” for myself in different areas of my life. For instance, this year, my goals are:
1. To train for a 5k in March and a 10k in August.
2. Potty train my two-year-old, even though it’s intimidating.
3. To write three days a week. Doesn’t matter what, just write.
Goals seem better to me because I actually do them. Although, the perfectionist in me wants to do them all perfectly – and right NOW. Usually, by February, I’ve killed myself to complete all my “New Year’s Goals” and have to set new ones for myself. Kind of the opposite of everyone else. Why? Great question…I was asking myself that just today…
I think it’s because I tell myself if I don’t, I’m not good enough. Good enough for what, you might ask? I’m not really sure. But that is the message I tell myself. It’s so clear – when I berate myself for not getting to the gym, or when I get frustrated when my goal timelines are upset because I get sick, or when I sit and feel sorry for myself because of X, Y, or Z.
So, my New Year’s Resolution for 2014 is to Love Myself. I was inspired by this book I just read where one of the characters decides to call of her wedding at the last minute, and then a few months later decides to marry herself (cue eye-roll). It sounded ridiculous at first – how incredibly narcissistic! But, the more I thought about it, the more I liked the concept. It’s not truly about being in-love with yourself or not thinking about others, but it’s more about accepting yourself as you are. Warts and all.
The verses in 1 Corinthians that often is read at weddings that goes, “love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it keeps no records of wrong” (that is from the New Jessica Version of the Bible, by the way. It’s not an exact quotation). I get doing those thing for someone else that you love. But, what if we did that for ourselves? What if I did that for myself? What if I was more patient and kind with myself? What if I stopped jealously looking at everyone else’s good traits and started appreciating my good parts? What if I forgot about my past mistakes, and let myself move on?
I think I’d be less judgmental, not just of myself, but of other people too. I’d be less worried about the things I don’t like about myself, and I’d stop trying to make myself feel better by putting others down.
I’d also be kinder. How could I not be? When I am kinder and gentler to myself, how could I not extend that same grace to those around me?
I think I’d be a lot happier too. I’d stop reliving every detail of my day, wondering if I had offended someone or said the wrong thing or made the wrong impression. I’d spend more time in the present, learning from past mistakes, then forgetting them. I’d know they were no big deal. I’m only human – humans make mistakes. Apologize if you need to, then move on. That’s what I would want for others around me, why not want that for myself too?
So, we’ll see how this goes. It’s not a set goal. There’s no way to put a time limit on it. It’s a process that, realistically, will last much longer than a year.
What about you? Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?